sayy itt withh Rosess~

(txt msg from roommate) mi50soup: Cindyyy! Someone sent you PRO FLOWERS!!!! I wonder who is it xD

i rushed down to my beloved home as soon as i got off class (:

24 Roses ( it's really 24, right?) (=

SO PRETTY!

thank you so much, cynth (=

see, i unwrapped it nicely (:
and handled it with much care.

I LOVE YOU CYNTHIAAAA (+

not as much as God, or John, but I do! hee.
you have very much healed a sick and bitter person.

love you.

in memory of memorial weekend 08

my beautiful backyard.

mango pudding (:

green tea ice cream with soy powder

3rd street performance =X

our ladies' night out.

before our twenties begin.

what's this called again?

Risotto sth sth (:

always top it off with a special dessert~

he's eating my ALL TIME FAV CUPCAKES from my ALL TIME FAV CUPCAKE STORE! (.. and it's called Sprinkles!)

yj's mango dessert.

dim sum with the sisters (= (mon)
dim sum with the s'poreans (sun)

i don't understand why durian doesn't like dim sum?

sticker pictures in USA!
and my favourite is...

! (= YAY. hahar. cus it looks like a korean drama cover.
don't you think?

this one, too! (=

p/s: don't you just love the song? (lucky- Jason Mraz feat Colbie)

listen to it (:

it's the prettiest song, EVER.

emotions* 332am

sigh. hi people.
to the dear citizens of deedeedays blog,
i don't even know what to say. but yet, i have SO MUCH to say.
i can't count how many disappointments i get, going through just a typical mundane saturday, today. is it also because of my pms? that even pedestrians on the road drives me crazy.

first of all, it was really hot and the weather's really uncomfortable to begin with. early in the morning i woke up to a furnace. that-was-hecka-NASTY. sigh!
then came a throbbing headache, then, a depressing conversation.
then, the airconditioning saved me for a bit, as i started on my intern application.
and then it got too frustrating, and i decided to go to costco to buy my dad his FISH OIL, then i got in line, waited for 10mins and when i was about to pay, the guy told me my membership expired and needed to be renewed with a $50. i was so 'out-of-it' that i simply said, "no, nvm" and i walked away.
uh uh~ that was what i did. and i grabbed a quick dinner and went to target. thereafter i drove all the wayyyyy to the other end of southern california for boba. yes, seriously. and i was STUCK in traffic (it was not supposed to be traffic hours) for 20mins. thus, from target to BOBA place, it took 50 minutes.
then so i got boba and drove back to pick up the sisters from the supermarket and drove back home. talked on the phone for about an hour or so and went back to the supermarket to get a bday card and flowers for a sister's birthday tomorrow. came back home and went to my cubicle and here i am blogging.

yes, it seemed so normal. but there was SO MUCH, just.. so much disappointments along those outlines of my day.
so as i set off from home to costco, i noticed that my car cannot speed. for some reason it just cannot go faster. i got worried, slowed down, rolled the wondow down, and hear the noise.
"is that my tire?"
(i thought of my tire cus yesterday the sisters mentioned sth amiss with my tires)
and that noise my car made was bugging me so bad i got all worked up and started panicking and mind went blank and pulled over. that was before i entered the highway. oh lord. and then i composed myself a little bit and start thinking of who to call. of course, it is weird that the first person i thought of is not even in los angeles, but what can i do? who else can tell me what to do in that situation? "oh, oh. .. " , "yongjae.." i thought. YONGJAE. so i called him, stayed on the line as it rings, till the very end where it reaches his voicemail.

he didn't answer.
pangs of disappointments.

that may be nothing, you know, but..
BUT,
UP TILL NOW.
NOW.
2:22am.
there is no return call from him.
nor a freaking txt message.

am i asking too much?
DUDE. THIS IS DEPRESSING.
WHAT IF I WAS CAUGHT IN SOME HUGE EMERGENCY.
HE WOULDN'T EVEN REALIZE UNTIL MONDAY WHEN I DON'T SHOW UP FOR LUNCH.
HE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT I ALREADY END UP IN HELL OR STH.
OMG!
pissness and disappointments.
seriously, tell me, people, am i really asking too much?
do you really expect me to be strong just because, that is such a mini minor situation?
but im just talking about these people with NO care. no concern. no nth for me, as a friend.

i am so. sad.
seriously.
and then, he didn't pick up, right?
so i called the first person i thought of, next. (i didn't call him first cus it didn't seem practical)
i called him. yea. cus i was feeling so helpless and i really didn't know what to do!
so what happened was that he rejected the call and text me saying that he's not in a situation favorable to talk.
ok, of course i was sad, cus now i have to THINK HARD of who to call next, and what ought to be done. then, i decided to drive back home and while doing so, i found out it was not my tires, but my brakes.
(=
*phew*. so glad, right?
and i head back on the highway.

YONGJAE . NEVER. called back.
THAT other person. never bothered either.
wow. this really says a lot about my friendships.
and then i called my mum, called my cousin, called my friends,
but no answers to most, and some answered, and we got disconnected, but they don't call back.
what is this!
i called back, they don't pick up.

sigh.
am i just asking too much, really?
i am so freaking bitter right now.
i have no family here, neither do i have "FAMILY" here, nor the "BODY" with me, ok.
so don't come telling me that my situation is nothing.
ARGH!
..all i wanted was just somebody who cares.
go ahead and think however ways you want about my pathetic life.
you must be laughing hard and pointing your fingers at me. WHAT-EVER.
i am so fed up.
THAT IS WHY. I AM NOT GOING TO LORD'S TABLE TOMORROW.
yea yea, "it's your own lost", you may say, but WHAT-EVER.
I AM A REBEL and SO BE IT.

WHAT IS THIS.
IF you even care for the body, OK. Pray for me then.
do you know how long this as been accumulated? omg.

i'm like erupting so bad.
its 2:49am and i just couldn't care less for anything.
called mum a GAZILLION times and she didn't even pick up.
does she even care about her daughter anymore?
Can't she sense from inside that her daughter is calling her name ALL THE TIME, LONGING for her to call back?
why doesn't anyone freaking care!

--thirty ways--

30 ways you know that Cindy's having PMS.



#1 She starts blogging emo entries.

#2 She blogs it in a different language.

#3 She talks about the rain.

#4 She puts a tear in her 'sad faces' )'=

#5 She doesn't want to turn to her spirit.

#6 She drives a thousand miles for a cup of boba.

#7 She blasts "All American Rejects- It ends tonight" in her car.

#8 She cries to "Coldplay - The scientist"

#9 She KARAOKEs.

#10 She Karaokes and rock to "Avril Lavigne- When you're gone"

#11 She eats HECKA lot.

#12 She won't get enough of chocolates.

#13 She gets drunk with water.

#14 She showers an extra 10 minutes.

#15 She calls "everybody" in her phone list.

#16 She gets mad at YOU for not picking up her call.

#17 She whines at YOU saying, "life's endless."

#18 She tells you she misses "last spring".

#19 She tells you, "I'm alright.."

#20 She says, "There's nth new."

#21 She has BREAKOUTS!

#22 She screams and shouts for no reason.

#23 She does unnecessary grocery-ing.

#24 She goes work out.

#25 She writes to herself in class.

#26 She plays the piano.

#27 She immerse herself in Korean Drama.

#28 She doesn't have anything to do.

#29 She starts honking at every car.

#30 She can't even think of 1 reason why she's feeling the way she is.

阴天

我现在很想很想有一个人陪伴着我, 但令一半的我, 却不想被任何人打扰..

其实,.. 最近的我, 我自己也搞不清楚.

如何度过每一天的"阴"呢..
这种感觉好像没得治吧. 难道只能陷入灵里才会慢慢好过?

好久没笑的感觉 ('=

说真的, 最近到底怎么了?
昨天我不小心割伤了皮, 3 次!!
搞什么嘛..
然后今天真的好像失魂而行地上课,回家.
还做了不少恶梦.

)'=

心情为何那么不稳定呢?

我真的好疲倦.

幸福啊, 我要做你朋友.

(相信我吧:明天我会开心起来) <--- 我好怪吧.. (>.<')

what's that word that rhymes with kay?

wow. i don't know what to say. i'm too overwhelmed right now.

(@.@")

lol.
well, it started cus i found out that one of my guy frds is.. gay.
yarh loh. it was pretty overwhelming. at first when he told me that he has a boyfriend bla bla blah, i thought it was just a mere joke thingy. AND THEN, the topic came up again when i asked him,

me: "why do you go to xxx so much? your parents live there or sth?"
him:" no, my boyfriend's there."

and then, that was my piece of confirmation RIGHT THERE.
he was not even kidding or anything. lol.

and THEN, so we're like good friends and all that cus we take the same class.
so we basically do our homeworks and quizzes and projects together and all that..
and tomorrow, we have this spectogram graph thingy due and it was 1045pm and i haven't even started. (the thing is due at 9am) ANWS. so he called me and want to do it together, but because i had house meeting and all that so basically we met at 11. he picked me up and we went to a cafe. (CUS HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO DO IT and basically he wants my hmwk) so anws.
i asked him about his bf and all that and
he said "are you jealous?"
me" ERRRR>! WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS!>!??! lol"
lol mans. and then, at the cafe, i was doing my work and
he said "heyy. that mexican guy over there is pretty cute." - Evidence #1
then later in the car, " why are there no cute guys here???" - Evidence #2
and i said, " (-.-') DUDE. you have a boyfriend. "
and he said "yea, that's true."

LOL.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

this person cracks me up.
dude. he's so nice to me mans. like, really.
haha. and he's gay.
we even talked about me being a christian and he asked me whether my church except gays.
haha.
anwss. when we reach his car, he would go to my door and open it first.
OMG! its like. (+ (=
lol.
i didn't know there are still guys like that, but IN THIS CASE, i guess gay guys are really
#1 SUPER 超 nice.
#2 VERY GENTLEMANLY
#3 Sensitive to your needs, feelings, etc.

dude. and then he even asked me over to his house or to stay over (-.-')
ER. of course, no, mans.
OH LORD. haha. this is way too funny. hahahaha.
and anws. yarh. dude. he's really such a nice guy.
but he's gay.
is this what all girls have been trying to tell me?
how men available for women are actually depleting?
HAHA. cus most of em are gays anw. and..
those GOOD men, are already taken.
THEREFORE,
没有剩下好的了 )'=

haha.
it's fine though.
im just so tickled by this matter right now.
*Toast* to my VERY FIRST gay friend (:

i just cannot believe i will experience this in my lifetime. lols.
and we have the same classes throughout summer too! OMG.

wow.
im so overwhelmed.
HAHA.

(=

monday blues

i have been having so much "fun" lately that when i go to class this morning, i felt like i was just back from one month vacation, and .. it was .. so hard to get my mode back to school.

"Fun" as i state it, with quotes, just cus, it was fun stuffs, but i wasn't entirely having fun.
maybe because my body is fatigue,
or maybe because my soul is pained,
or actually, it's all because, my spirit's deadened.
have you ever felt that way? like, you're so tired of.. life.
man, i feel it all the time. i feel it like, ALL THE TIME, that i feel so guilty towards the Lord.
these are times when you have so much to cry about, but the tears just would not cooperate.
you have all these miseries welled up in you and you come to a point that even Crying "OH LORD JESUS" would not help.

this is when, we know, Satan succeeded.

Oh Lord Jesus.
Oh.. LORD JESUS!!!

i know that i'm numbed because when i had that highway accident 2 days ago, i didn't feel anything. i was like,.. whatever.
now it always hit on me, the thought of "what if i close my eyes and let go of this steer right here, right now?".
"will i be in the hades when i open my eyes?"
"will i be in the emergency ward?"
"will i be laying on the ground with paramedics and strangers crowding over me?"
or, "will i just... be on my bed?"

but you know, these fragile thoughts.
i wouldn't dare to act upon them. plus, the lord in me has the power to stop me from any foolish act. and im not that VERY DEPRESSED to end my life either. (-.-") HAHA.
i'm just, very bitter.
and just, longing for rest.
longing for home.
longing for comfort.

i miss being in my mum's embrace.
that's the one thing i really miss the most.

(sigh. gotta go.)

*moments like these..

Spring 07' Best Picture

I MISS my Sister Tina and Little Buddy, Jasper (=
he's so like me.

(=

Boba time with Sprinkes.

Boba time with Strawberry.

Don't we just love taking pictures~!

.. and more.

Small Group contribution (:

Dish #1 Clam mushroom pasta

Ingredients: Whole Wheat Pasta, Japanese Clams,
Mushrooms, Spinach.

Dish #2 Cookies

Sister Rachel time ('=

my water for the dayyy.
what would i do without her?

Days go by

"you don't fall in love with a person; but the image of the person you dream of"

dude. that's sad..

hahar.
monday - syntax typology homework due
tuesday - phonetics project due
wednesday - ling 127 midterm
psych 132 midterm
thursday - master the spectogram
friday - HOSTING small group at my house
saturday - 830am at elementary school: reading stories to kids.
lord's day - sister rachel day? (=


so glad to get through 1/2 of the week already (:
hope that i aced my tests.
yea.
but why do i feel so emo?
why is my happiness so short-lived!

it rained so easily

Just like how your legs get tired after walking a while,
your feelings also get tired after loving for some time.

how do we undo love?

UCLA spring sing

my favourite performance of spring sing 08 (=

and they won, too!

The Scattertones- Always be my baby

I LOVE SPRING SINGGGGG!

Spring 2008

resume resume resumeeeeeeeeee.

applying to be a peer advisor at UCLA Career Center.

i hope i get this intership (:

get my mind off things.

dude. unknowingly, it's really Spring 2008.

because of last spring, 'Spring' season since then becomes my favourite quarter (=

just because it is the quarter where ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD. haha.

not only was i academically satisfied, ace-ing in the 6 classes i took,

i was also accepted to the 4 schools i applied (:

anws. UCLA, was just, the fireworks in my life then. hahar.

on top of that, i was greatly showered in the saints' lovvveeeee in the bay area.. (=

i have my MOTHERS and FATHERS and SISTERS and BROTHERS, and i was never left feeling empty.

how God sent~! (:

and so, i miss them.

i miss being invited to random weekday dinners,

i miss hanging out in boba places,

i miss driving from a saint's house to another,

i miss our tea timeeeee and midnight talks!

HAHA. the midnight talks outside Le Boulanger. HAHA (x

oh i miss you guys.

and then, there were all my fellow friends..

Oh dudes and duddettes.. the countless HOT POT dinners and BBQ. haha.

and the DDR and fun rides with Vanilla,

the karaoke with Dough,

the late night chess game with Dough,

the stay-overs and play guitar ALL NIGHT LONGGGGGGGGG.

everythinggggg!

i miss santana row.

i miss cinco de mayo(5th may). (coming soon)

haha.

blasting our emo "It ends tonight- All American Rejects", driving around town..

LOL.

AND THEN.

i will never forget the lunches with mango.

the care i basked in, in Spring 2007 (:

it's a nice feeling to be taken care of.

hee. the times where i sneaked to his lab and used mango's account to get my paper done.

the times where i had to make him go around and get microsoft office for me.

the times where he would put on my favourite song in the car.

the times where he would text me before my class ends.

the times where he wouls wait for me outside my classroom.

and, surprises.. of course. haha.

that was my Spring 2007 'love' for you. hahar.

in contrast to this year, DUDE... (-.-") what can i sayy. hahar.

"it's okay." that's what i've been telling myself. it's okay.. cus if it's not the right time, nothing will work for good, too, even if it's the right person.

so then, i have to wait till he's matured/ready, and when I am matured/ready..

and when we meet, *perfectoooo* (= haha..

then, when we eventually meet, .. there wouldn't be much obstacles and hinderances.

it would be smooth sailing, as the saints told me.

ANWS. point of this entry was: last spring was a blossom! such a harvest! lol.

this spring is not that bad either, even though my love life is O (zero). and my 'Family' life, in terms of being attached to the families here.. is.. O(zero) too..

but,

there are sisters in the sisters house and all around; even if it means i have to dial their #s to cry to.

there are friends i can go yoghurt with (=

and,

THERE IS A CHANCE FOR ME TO GET MY NEXT INTERNSHIPPPPPPPPP

please pray for me dudes.

i need $$

HAHA (=